Goa - 19 March 2011.

It’s this weird feeling that has been surging through my blood ever since I got into the cab from the airport, through the winding roads that are marked with either luscious green palm trees and other various flora or the bold earthy red gravel that draws you in, in an instant. A sense of belonging, relaxation, some sort of spiritual connection that leaves me with a good inkling…. Everything IS going to be okay.

My bundle of nerves on this newfound adventure far, far away from my comfort zone calmed down the moment I saw the familiar face of a woman so poised, graceful, connected and most importantly, happy. This is where I should be, and this is definitely where I need to be. As rare as this occasion might be, for once I am actually genuinely proud of myself and the decision I made to do this for no one but myself.

What truly shocked me was the fact that approximately ten words into the conversation, I felt safe. All the cracks began to gnaw through the façade and there was nothing left, but truth and confrontation. I was in tears. I felt weak, and transparent. It was about time. It was almost as if she could see right through me, but for once I wanted someone to…

Discussing the past twelve years only reminded and reaffirmed that a lot has happened, there were clearly many issues that have resulted to wide open wounds that need only time, self discovery and love in order to heal. I cannot begin to explain how after just a few hours I feel a sense of satisfaction. I am scared undoubtedly about what the future will bring and if this is a life changing self discovery or a momentary phase. However, I can say with a lot of confidence that these trips to Goa will be made at least twice a year, if not more as this journey will continue, it is only just the beginning. Baby steps…

I’m going to leave this part of my journey at that as I am not ready to share it so publicly – but the next thing that has got me infatuated is simply, GOA. Wow. It’s the simplicities in life that we often forget isn’t it? We get so consumed in our blackberries, computers, work, social lives and personal problems that we forget the simple solutions life has to offer, like a wooden shack. YES, a W-O-O-D-E-N S-H-A-C-K! In this case one which towered over the beach all thanks to sand bags.

There were such amazing pink hues blending and turning with the red and yellow to form a stunning sunset that begins to pave its way into the horizon. I sat there, quiet, mesmerized whilst enjoying my Mojito with lovely, peaceful company. There was no requirement to talk non-stop. I was happy to be away from the social, boisterous scene of chugging drinks and loud banter. The silences in this instance were not awkward, they gave me time to think of me, to think of how happy I was in that given moment and how I could honestly live life just sat on a beach, looking at the wide open sea for the rest of my life. The thought of having a loved one at that given moment definitely crossed my mind. But, it’s all about timing and right now is just not the right time. This is the time for self love and respect.

I am extremely excited about this journey which will continue tomorrow and my first attempt to meditate. I have tried angel meditations in the past but this will be different. I know I am a spiritual person at heart, always have been. So being back home in India is only going to cultivate that further, and this city at large has changed my breathing, my internal rhythm to one that just wants to soak in the surroundings and enjoy the beauty and simplicity mother nature, great conversations and the inspiration to realize and grow has to offer……